Dear Mr. Self Development,

My fiancé wants me to sign a prenuptial agreement. Not sure I feel comfortable doing this, it’s not exactly the most romantic thing he’s asked me to do.  How should I proceed?

Kelly

Kelly…run for the hills!  Well…Not exactly, at least not yet, let’s discuss why your fiancé maybe asking for such an agreement.

Your fiancé is probably aware that more than half of all marriages end in divorce.  He knows that statistically speaking; the marriage is more likely to end, than to last; so he’s covering his assets, so to speak.  He realizes the grim reality that “love is not always the glue.”

Given this, sounds like you need to get a prenuptial agreement, right?

Well I wouldn’t….

Personally, I would never sign, or ask anyone to sign a prenuptial agreement.  Why?  A couple of reasons come to mind:

Reason #1: For me, divorce is not an option once you’re married.

If you are going into a marriage where divorce is an option, then you clearly have a much greater chance of getting a divorce.  In this situation, I can certainly understand why someone would want a prenuptial agreement.  There’s a good chance they’re going to need it; so why wouldn’t they want to be prepared.  It’s that same spirit of “preparation” that allowed them to earn the wealth to begin with.

Reason #2:  I believe when you get married, the two of you become “ONE,” so if the “ONE” gets separated, it’s only right for the assets of the “ONE” to get separated; even if you’re separating $10 Billion.  I think the other person deserves half.

I wouldn’t marry someone who thought it’s ok to waste a part of my life (which happens to be more valuable than money, because I can never get my time back), but would say I don’t deserve their money; I happen to think more of myself than that.

If you can’t be trusted with their money, what else can’t you be trusted with.  Are they essentially saying, I trust you to raise my kids, but don’t get too close to my money?  Sounds like someone needs a priority check.

Money is a part of you (it derives from your mind, and in the words of James Allen, “man is mind”).  What’s my point?  When you marry someone, you should be marrying that entire person, not just a part of them (you are marrying their money as well).

Why you shouldn’ t get a prenuptial agreement

When you marry someone knowing that they will get half of your assets if you divorce, it causes a few important things to happen:

First, you will choose very wisely (and with much counsel) who you marry, and secondly, you will invest more time and energy to ensure that the marriage lasts forever; you may even adopt the principle that divorce is not an option.

Will getting a prenuptial agreement cause you to get a divorce?

A prenuptial agreement won’t cause you to get a divorce, BUT the thinking that, “this money is mine”, “we may not last” and, “I need to protect myself from my wife” is not exactly the strongest foundation for a marriage to be built on.  I would be interested to know if there is one person on the planet that disagrees with the previous statement.  Marriage should be built on commitment, trust, dedication and most importantly, a decision to continually improve the relationship through education and communication, NOT, I sure hope this works.

My advice is to talk to your fiancé about why he feels the need to get a prenuptial agreement.  Discuss the root issues of why he obviously believes divorce is an option for your marriage, as well as why he believes you don’t deserve half of the family assets if you do get a divorce. I say you earned the money when you married him.

A Final Note

A prenuptial agreement will not cause you to get a divorce, but the thinking that your marriage may not last, will definitely increase your odds.

Here’s your action item: Discuss with your fiancé the reasons he believes divorce is an option, determine what’s in his heart, and then decide how you want to proceed.

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Note: The advice given in this article represents the opinion of the author and is given for informational purposes.  It is not intended to be interpreted as professional or medical advice.