Mr. Self Development speaks:

Recently I wrote an article about sex contracts that received a lot of attention (you can “click here” to read that article).  A “sex contract” is an agreement that you make with your spouse as to the frequency of your sexual relations.  Of course, I received lots of feedback on this topic.  Today I want to briefly address two of the major questions that I received concerning sex contracts.

The first question was:

“Wouldn’t having a sex contract make having sex a chore?”

To this I say, it’s OK if it’s a chore sometimes.  Sometimes when I buy my wife flowers it’s a chore, but she appreciates them all the same because I don’t act like it’s a chore when I give them to her.

If you stopped doing all of the chores in your life, you wouldn’t make it very far.  It’s a chore to bring your children to soccer practice sometimes.  Does this mean because you don’t enjoy the experience you shouldn’t bring them?  Should you only bring your children to soccer practice when you feel like it?  Of course not, the children enjoy going to soccer practice as often as they have soccer practice.

A good marriage is about sometimes sacrificing what you want for the good of the marriage; which makes everyone better off, including you.  It’s about not missing the forest because of the trees.

The “sex contract” is a minimum requirement that everyone should happily agree on; it should not replace the need for spontaneous sex.  I imagine such an agreement could only work where the couple has an amazing relationship to begin with.

The second question was:

“What happens if the agreement is broken, is this “grounds” for divorce?”

Grounds for divorce?  No, it’s grounds for communication.  The sex contract should be a fun agreement.  In any business agreement, when you have to threaten someone with, “my contract says…,” that’s typically not a good sign, the following response will probably be, “Sue me.”

So…

Let’s leave the sex contract to happy couples who need a system to better organize their sexual relations; not to unhappy couples who need one more thing to complain about .

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